Breaking The Mental Chains Of Black Gay Self-Hatred

Like its predecessor, Men of Color, A Warm December, published in February [1992] by the Vega Press, offers something of interest to aficionados of each of the three genres it contains: poetry, illustrations, and photography. Also like the previous book, A Warm December, which is divided into seasonal sections, tries "to redefine the negative image [of black men] that's out there," said Lloyd Vega, the founder of the three-year-old press, "and do it in a sensual way. The books show that we're strong, compassionate; that we're lovers, brothers; that we can also be a friend, a confidante, and not a trick [illicit sex partner]."

The images found in A Warm December, contended Vega, are the very opposite of Robert Mapplethorpe's view of black men--sex objects with "the heads or arms cut off, dehumanizing us. No wonder people are afraid of us, envy us."

These pervasive negative images coupled with the dearth of books available about black gay men fueled Vega's determination to create his own publishing company. "One of my goals has been to publish new artists," said Vega, a 37-year-old Philadelphia architect, "and give them the chance that [writer-editor] Joe Beam gave me when he published an illustration by me in [the black gay anthology] In the Life." Among Vega's discoveries are w.e.s. and Jerome Whitehead, both of whom are in the new book. (A Warm December is #2 on the bookstore A Different Light/New York's bestseller list in the Men's Softcovers category.) After hearing them read their poems in a gay bar in Philadelphia, he told them he was impressed with the quality of their work and that he would like to include them in his upcoming anthology.

Vega (the name is an acronym for victory, empowerment, gratitude, assessment) sees his work as part of an ongoing effort to break the "mental chains" of self-hatred that afflicts many black gay men, self-hatred that manifests itself in black-on-black crime, drug addiction, and other self-destructive behavior. The Vega Press's chief mission is achieving  for black gay men "empowerment. It's about taking control of our images, showing black male images by black photographers for a change."

Future Vega Press projects include a book of short stories, two books of poetry, and a line of greeting cards. Each endeavor will echo the sentiments of one of Vega's poems: "Respect yourself, my brother,/for we are so many wondrous things."

Vega will be reading from A Warm December as part of "Outspoken: A Gay and Lesbian Literary Series" at the Nuyorican Poets Cafe, 236 East 3rd Street, Manhattan, on April 1 [1992].

This article was originally published in NYQ magazine (April 5, 1992).

Three New York Musicians Record With Gay San Francisco Poet

"Jeff Lilly's poetry dances through music and delivers a lyrical punch that should be heard and acknowledged out there in the world of words and sound."--Neeli Cherkovski, poet and author of Ferlinghetti: A Biography.

Jeffrey Lilly is a San Francisco-based poet who has recorded two poetry with music CDs, "The Butterfly Flies," his most recent, and "Promised Land Poems." "A number of poems of my recordings," says Lilly, an openly gay man, "are an expression of eros or a defense of eros." Especially same-gender eros, which Lilly celebrates without fear or shame or equivocation and with artistic beauty. In "Come Christmas Day's Two to Oneing Morn" (from "The Butterfly Flies") the poem is set to music that quotes from the carol, "Noel," and explores a sexual relationship in the early morning hours of Christmas. Lilly explains the origin of the poem this way: "It originally began after the Christmas morning episode with a man I was in love with. We had known each other for some time. I finished it after a relationship with a second lover. There was also the memory of a two-day fling with a German tourist. This was before the days of AIDS. I was writing about the joy of safe sex. The first two encounters weren't brief encounters, but the original idea of flexibility and alternation came out of that early encounter with a German tourist." "African Beauty," another gay-oriented poem on "Butterfly," is a tribute to a male lover, " a man with whom I lived for some time."

"The Butterfly Flies" features three New York musicians: Jonathan Comisar (piano), a faculty member at Hebrew Union College, who studied under the Pulitzer-Prize winning composer David Del Tredici, also composes Jewish liturgical music; Mike Cohen (clarinet and flute), who has performed at Lincoln Center, Carnegie Hall, Birdland, and other venues; and Ivan Borenboim (clarinet), and artist-in-residence at Central Synagogue and a performer throughout the United States, Argentina, and Europe. Hans Christian, the German-born composer on "Promised Land Poems," is also a record producer and studio engineer.

Over the years, Lilly, a convert to Judaism in 1992, has read his poetry at his GLBT synagogue, Sha'ar Zahav, as well as other venues in the San Francisco Bay Area.
Lilly believes his "reading style is more like poetic song that is well matched with the music which amplifies my words." He has been "told I have a good performance voice that goes well
with music." In addition, he continues, "I have had the good fortune of having very talented composers [Jonathan Comisar and Hans Christian] to work with."

Among the writers Lilly has been influenced by are Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsberg whose pairing of poetry and music was"one essential part of the Beat movement."
A few of the poems on both CDs mix words from different languages. Lilly, who earned a master's degree in Russian language and literature and another one in comparative literature, sees this as his way of "conveying a musical sound." He "draws on my studies of Russian, French, and Italian, as well as other foreign words I've encountered in the multicultural world of San Francisco."

Lilly is co-editor of Art Mugs the Reaper, a project he describes as "an artistic quilt." It celebrates the work and lives of gay men such as photographer Robert Mapplethorpe and poet-playwright Assotto Saint, who have died from AIDS. He is also at work on an as-yet-unnamed novel about a Russian emigre writer. The book is an outgrowth of his social service work among Russian emigres in San Francisco.

For further information about the CDs, you can contact Jeffrey Lilly at JL@jeffreylillypresents.com.

The Most Sensational Bartender in the World

The Most Sensational Bartender in the World

is Joel.
He stands beneath a ceiling
of red and pink balloons,
popping tops off the necks
of Coronas, Heineken, Amstel Light.
That is sensational.
I love him with his puppy-brown eyes,
his boyish charm.
He really sends me...sensationally.
He doesn't notice me across the dance floor
of swirling lights,
under the dimensional reflections
of disco balls.
He pronounces his name "Joelle."
How cute is that?
How cute and sensational is that?
He makes the best vodka sea breezes.
Pouring liquor into the anxious mouth of my glass,
sticking a slice of lemon on the side with his wet
fingers.
That is the most sensational thing ever.
I'm not interested in shoving dollar bills
in g-strings flossing the sweet-glossed asses
of go-go boys with their warm, hanging dicks.
But would rather put my hard earned bucks
in Joelle's sensational dark-blue tank top.
I admire him from afar at the end of the bar.
Watch him make magical martinis,
being that he is the most sensational bartender in the world.

--Shane Allison


Shane Allison lives in Tallahassee, Florida and is the author of five chapbooks of poetry, including I Want to Fuck a Redneck. He has had poems and stories published in Best Gay Erotica, Queer Connection, RFD, Velvet Mafia, Best Gay Erotica, Ultimate Gay Erotica, Best Gay Love Stories, and many others. He is the editor of Hot Cops: Gay Erotic Stories.